Sirach today gives some advice on friendship (Sirach 6:5-17). Friendship was an important concept in social relations during the Hellenistic period and is referred to several times in Sirach (9:10; 11:29-14:2; 22:19-26; 37:1-6). In Greek literature of the time, a friend was one who remained true in times of distress and could, therefore, be trusted with one’s official or private interests and affairs. Today’s reading concludes a section of instructions and admonitions that test one’s resolve, integrity, and capacity for making judgements in keeping with wisdom piety.
The word ‘friend’ is used very casually in modern society. We call people friends who are not much more than superficial acquaintances. Sometimes we term friends as people who are useful in getting things that we want. A genuine friend, with whom we can open ourselves completely and in whom we can have total trust, is not easy to find.
True friends are discerned, not by how much money they have, but by whether they will continue to stand by us in times of difficulty and misfortune. Such friends are rare, and their value is beyond estimation.
Some of the points made today are worth considering:
Friends are won by speaking kindly to, and being courteous to, other people. Why do some people seem to have lots of close friends and others have very few? Perhaps one of the main reasons is here. To find a friend, we must first be a friend.
People with whom we are friendly can be many, but a close adviser and confidant will be “one in a thousand”. True friendships, which are based on genuine love, take time to develop. Mutual attraction is not enough. Hence, “…gain them through testing, and do not trust them hastily.”
Sirach gives a few examples of what we would now call ‘fair-weather’ friends: “…there are friends who are such when it suits them, but they will not stand by you in time of trouble. … there are friends who turn to enmity and tell of the quarrel to your disgrace [one thinks of bitter divorce proceedings] … there are friends who are companions at the table, but they will not stand by you in time of trouble. When you are prosperous, they become your second self and boldly command your slaves, but if you are brought low, they turn against you and hide themselves from you.”
Sirach advises us to “Keep away from your enemies”, those who are hostile to us. But in this, we also have to remember the Gospel injunction to pray for them and be ready to forgive and be reconciled with those who have harmed us. At the same time Sirach tells us to “be on guard with your friends”, that is, those who call themselves friends but who, in time of stress, are likely to ditch you. Finally, Sirach speaks of the true friend, a treasure more valuable than anything money can buy: “Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one has found a treasure. Faithful friends are beyond price; no amount can balance their worth. Faithful friends are life-saving medicine, and those who fear the Lord will find them. True friendship is based on love and, where there is love, God is inevitably present, for God is love.”
Last of all, Sirach provides some astute advice: “Those who fear the Lord direct their friendship aright, for as they are, so are their neighbors also.” This last phrase may mean ‘one’s friends are as dear to us as ourself’, but it may also mean ‘our friends will inevitably be, like ourself, a God-fearing person’. When we live in truth and integrity, we live in God, and we are likely to make as friends those whose lives are also based on truth and integrity. There can really be no other kind of true friend.
One of the greatest tragedies in life is never to have had really close and intimate friends. The sign of a true friend is the sense of emptiness that comes on permanent separation because of death or some other irreversible reason.
May God bless us and help us to find true friends.
May God Bless You and Grant You His Peace!