No one is more aware of a turning point in time than a convert. There is a clear before and a clear after, whose threshold is a life-changing encounter with Christ. Saint Augustine said it well when he exclaimed: “Too late have I loved Thee!” In more recent times the famous British journalist and Catholic convert, Malcolm Muggeridge, poignantly entitled his 1972 autobiography Chronicles of Wasted Time—an allusion to a line from Shakespeare’s Sonnet 106, whose theme, in a context far removed from religious conversion, evokes the imperfection of things past as prophetically foreshadowing present fulfillment.
Looking at conversion in hindsight, as an isolated moment in time, might make all the before time seem wasted. But considering the past in the light of grace, connections emerge that reveal the hand of God is steadily at work, even in our worst mistakes. A string of unlikely events and providential encounters that bring a soul to the point where they are prepared to meet the Lord and say yes to Him is a divine work that grace alone can accomplish.
St. Augustine insists that even the sins of those whom God calls to Himself are resolved providentially for the salvation and sanctification of the individual. That is an encouraging truth for those of us whose track record is a nagging source of regret and shame. It also tells us that God is not simply a great “mastermind” who knows how to make beautiful artwork out of rubbish, or to assemble a complicated puzzle blindfolded. Instead, God does these things because He loves us.
Indeed, what we need is a conversion experience for us to fall in love with Jesus. This was the case of St Paul in today’s feast of his conversion. His vocation did not come from intellectual study of Jesus or the Christian Faith. It was his radical encounter with the Lord on his way to Damascus to arrest the Christians and bring them back to Jerusalem to be put in prison. He did not know Jesus and he did not believe in Him until the Lord appeared to Him in a flash of light and spoke to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” It was then that he knew the Lord was His savior. From that moment, his life was totally transformed. This explains why St Paul throughout his ministry would recall his conversion experience to show his conviction of how the Lord had called him into the ministry.
What does a conversion experience entail? It is a personal encounter with the Lord. The apostles had similar conversion experiences when they witnessed the transfiguration of our Lord. St Peter recounted this when he wrote, “For we did not follow cleverly devised myths when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we had been eyewitnesses of his majesty. For he received honor and glory from God the Father when that voice was conveyed to him by the Majestic Glory, saying, ‘This is my Son, my Beloved, with whom I am well pleased.’ We ourselves heard this voice come from heaven, while we were with him on the holy mountain.” (2 Peter 1:16-18)
Secondly, it is the experience of forgiveness of our sins. Saul was a persecutor of Christians, yet the Lord forgave him and appointed him as an apostle to the gentiles. He sent Ananias to lay hands on Saul to restore his sight. “But Ananias replied, ‘Lord, I have heard from many sources about this man, what evil things he has done to your holy ones in Jerusalem.’” Nevertheless, Ananias went “and laying his hands on him, he said, ‘Saul, my brother, the Lord has sent me, Jesus who appeared to you on the way by which you came, that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.’ Immediately things like scales fell from his eyes and he regained his sight. He got up and was baptized.”
St Paul would narrate later how the Lord was so merciful to him. “I am grateful to Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because he judged me faithful and appointed me to his service, even though I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and a man of violence. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is sure and worthy of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the foremost. But for that very reason I received mercy, so that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display the utmost patience, making me an example to those who would come to believe in him for eternal life.” (1 Timothy 1:12-16) St Peter, too, experienced the Lord’s forgiveness for his arrogance when He performed the miracle of fish. “When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, ‘Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!’ (Luke 5:8)
Thirdly, it is the experience of being sent. The Lord assured Ananias His plan for Saul. “Go, for this man is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before Gentiles, kings, and children of Israel, and I will show him what he will have to suffer for my name.” After having encountered the Lord, we want to announce to the whole world that Christ is our Lord and Savior. It is a natural outcome of having encountered the Risen Lord. Like Simon who was given a new name, Peter; and Saul a new name, Paul, those who encounter Him are given a new mission. When we fall in love with Jesus, we cannot stop proclaiming Him. This is what it means when the Lord said, “Go out to the whole world; proclaim the Good News to all creation. He who believes and is baptized will be saved.” Filled with His Holy Spirit like Paul, we too will announce the Good News to our fellowmen.
When we celebrate the Conversion of St Paul, let us pray for our own conversion of heart. Many of us are nominal Catholics. Many parents are not showing the example of faith to our children. We are lacking in faith and that is why our children lose their faith when they grow up in a secular world. We need to create an ambience where our children can encounter Jesus in their lives by belonging to a community anointed with the Holy Spirit and a community that gives them support in love and in faith. Only when we become a praying community and a community that celebrates the Eucharist and contemplate on the Word of God, will there be vocations for the Church and the world.
Time is only wasted if it fails to bring us to the point where we can see that all time exists to prepare us to love and be loved by Christ. Time is only squandered if the fullness of time passes us by and we never recognize the extent that we are loved by Him—because Christ’s love is the only thing that can change us.
May God Bless You and Grant You His Peace!